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Saturday, November 12, 2016

I want you to know, but I don't want to tell you.

My morning had began as most mornings go. Whisker's pawing at my hair with his claws, Tiger and Raja goosing for a closer spot to me. I get up, and go in the bathroom to turn the water in the tub on for Whisker's. I make sure the others waterbowl upstairs is full. I tell them we are going back to bed. The routine starts over with first dibs on the bed. Whisker's crocked tail is thumping because he's not happy with the hierarchy order at present. He starts giving me a new hairdo. The gamer had been up for over 24 but I was calculatingly, ignoring the summond coming soon. I layed there about 30 minutes and said forget it. I want my coffee with vanilla creamer and sugar. The question came, "are you staying up?" "Want do you want for breakfast ?" Bacon and biscuits it is. The slippery slope began with the gamer deciding he wouldn't  meet with his caseworker today. My stomach starts churning; it's going to be a challenge today! Thank goodness I got her voice mail. Yep, I'm the coward today. My grandson told me earlier in the week the bad thoughts are back. Hom and suc ideation has been prevalent since JayJ died in 5/2014, his Dad, my son. I told my daughter in law, and she never called me back. This is difficult for her to deal with. He has a cocktail of health care providers now. The encouragement from the principal at school, me, and his counselor. It took him running away in the rain with his umbrella walking for over 2 hours in route to my place. I knew I needed to walk gingerly around her when I came over to watch the boys. She was on her phone as usual. She hurried on to work. Zayn loves climbing trees and he had to show me before his Mom left. I am overjoyed when he smiles from a happy place inside and laughs deep from his belly. I fed the boys a quick sandwich with yogurt, and fruit for dinner. Zayn has his games on my iPhone so off he went for peace and quiet in his room from his little brother who loves to get into his stuff. Atlas and I made Christmas wreaths cut out from paper plates. We colored, cut, and glued out masterpieces. He wore his as a hat. We both enjoy puzzles so I downloaded Christmas puzzles and we both throughly enjoyed doing them and watching the snow come down in the scenes with Christmas music in the background. I found an assortment of Christmas music we could listen to. I know it's early, but you make do with what you have to speard love and laughter for grandson's. Atlas got a quick bath, warm jammies. Mom came home on her phone and headed outside to smoke. I didn't get to hug her and tell her I love her. After so many deaths in my family, most get hugs and I love you before I go. Zayn got his stuff for the weekend and we couldn't get home quick enough. He went straight to bed and I made me some coffee. All three cats are in bed with me, tv on for noise and I'm finishing up today. Gamer just came in and asked 11:50 pm if I would go to McDonalds? Nope is the answer; I'll go at 8:30 am and surprise Zayn with his beloved pancakes. Night

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